Boz: Good heavens, then that means-

Chio: Yes; it means that anyone who will find their way here will make this place into putrid horrid shell of a thread that urgently needs immediate termination stat.

Boz is horrified by that strangely fitting metaphor, and the duo venture away to warn the other members of this dilemma


in the swamps of the sonic paradox forums a noob is lurking around, continuously reminding himself that his sprite movies made in windows movie maker is his finest work of art and tries to convince everyone around him that it does.

when suddenly he sniffs in the air; thinking

Noob: hmmm what is this smell?, its somewhat fresh and new, it's quite pleasing

i must find it...


Let us take a moment to observe this noob.

The noob is a common species of internet user, and survives solely on morsels of fail dropped by superior creatures. Partially due to this they have developed a thin, skeletal look, with long claw-like fingers used to tear apart it's prey, logic and win. However the noobs clawlike hands come at a price, and very few have the ability to type with any degree of success, often creating completely incoherent sentences (especially apparent during flaming matches.) The noob has a small head which is like a cross between a dinosaur and a crab, which houses it's feeble brain. Noobs are fairly easy to tackle when they are alone, but in great numbers they can be a formidable force, overpowering normal users and reducing them to noobishness themself. They're like a sort of internet zombie.

The noob limps away, hunched like an injured mantis, and fades into the distance between the misty trees of the unknown.


(I'm surprised Boz is the only person to write themselves in thus far. Makes for a better paced story though so whatevs.)


*We return to our heroes, or the two forum dwellers that are the closest available beings to heroes at this particular juncture, who are absolutely failing at warning anybody of this terrifying threat.*

Chio: Where the bubbly bottoms is everyone? How can we warn them if they're not even around?

Boz: They might be doing something productive instead of idling on the forum?

Chio: Don't be ridiculous! *winces in Boz's direction* And would you pick a form and stick to it already? You're starting to creep me out with that constant switching thing.

Boz: Oh fine. *morphs into a menacing T-Rex* Is that better?

Chio: Much, you freaky shapeshifter, you.

Boz: Now that pressing issue's out of the way, how about we try to ward the imminent destruction of Sonic Paradox?

Chio: As I said before, it seems nobody's around, so it's not like there's much we can do about it, now is there?

Boz: How about we check the Active Users list?

Chio: Ha, more like "Active Losers" list, amirite?

*Boz stares at Chio blankly.*

Chio: Right um anyway. Let's do what you just said.

*The duo walk over to the main page, a massive room that houses all the many sections of the forum. Hanging right above them in neon letters is the aforementioned Active Users list.*

Boz: There's a lot of guests. Probably noobs.

Chio: Agreed. We're the only registered members on, it seems.

Boz: Hang on a moment. *points towards the right hand side of the list* Look! One anonymous member is online!

Chio: *eyes the list curiously* So there is! That means one of our bretheren is amongst us, cloaked in the guise of invisibility!

Boz: I sure hope it's somebody who can help us. I'm not fond of the idea of this place turning into an abomination, personally.

Chio: *yelling* Anonymous member! Who are you? Why do you hide? The phat agents right here be needin' some assistance, dawg!

*Who IS the anonymous member? Why DO they hide? Will they help the phat agents right here? YOU DECIDE.*