*The groups look at the gargantuan candy mountains of newby-n00bs in utter disgust and dispair -except for BIT who is attempting a grin as if He's got another trick up his sleeve- From behind them all, they could hear the sound of heavy sneezing as LORTUX finally begins to catch up with the gang.*
With the final stage of 'Act 3' set, our somewhat likable lot of offbeats -now combined to be known as 'Team Paradox'- knuckle down and prepare for an electronic bout of epic proportions that they will probably lose...
Insector: So... many... n00bs... integrity... waning...
Iceman: They're coming from every direction. *looks to Chio, then BIT -who is still sporting his usual, cautiously optimistic demeanor* How do we go about taking these creeps on?
BIT: Let's see... We have Jake taking them head on so far, but he can't go it alone; there are just too many of them. He could team up with--
Boozerman: Me. I've been unusually quiet lately, so I thought I'd finally step back into the fray and criticize these darned n00bs out of commission.
Jake: Yay! I get to team up with Boozer! It must be my birfday~ :3
BIT: Okay, that's two we have to break through their defenses...
Chio: Ice, are you willing?
*Iceman has the imhappyfaic and his arms and hands crystallize into large shards of ice* Iceman: OF COURSE
Chio: How about you, Boz?
Boz: I think I'd enjoy stomping on some trolls, heh... *pauses for a second* ...or I could turn into a shield and defend all of you?
Stasis: *noting the growing urgency and speaking to the entire team* We do still need our own defenses against them. As The Chio said a moment ago, we can't just charge out there with no means of defense; we'd get deleted in a flash...
BIT: Okay, so we have Jake, Boozer and Ice for offense. Boz for defense and no one for espionage--
King N00b: *rolls his eyes* ARE you people done yet?
KaDoYuu: *attempting to be heard over the commotion* THROW US A FREAKING BONE. IT'S, LIKE A MILLION T' FREAKING ONE AND WE DON'T EVEN KET A STINKINGC MINUTE TO MAKE A PLAN OF ACTION??
King N00b: Don't flame me! Do you all realize that my army could have you all erased in .0025 seconds?!?
Chio: o,o Er...
Celest: ... I have a pot of gold...
Stasis: Yes! Celest, find the most destructive thing you can think of and loose it onto the enemies!
Celest: Well, duuuurr huuurr! That is a good idea, Stasis! Glad you gave it to me... ...lol, 'gave it to me'.
Griffin: Wait... what was that first thing you said, Cel?
Celest: "Well, duuuurr huuurr!"?
Griffin: Yeah. We can use white text as a defense! N00bs almost never see it coming!
Insector: *fading from the ever-growing n00biness* Yes... their sleep-deprived, sugar-induced minds won't allow them to discern text which doesn't talk about blue hedgehogs, ninja videos, 4chan crap, or things generally Youtube Poop-related.
RGX: *nodding in approval* Okay... okay. That's good.
KaDoYuu:I loove white text! It's even more fun when you don't know what you're talking about and you start to type impulsively and ramble and your hands hurt, so you might strt mking a few typos, but those qre funny sometimes...
RGX: Okay, you're in on defense with Boz, KaDo...
Insector: *smiling an undiscernable, buggy, grin* I can also slow them down with comical, epic not win pictures and my Youtube Poops~
Stasis: Good, good.
Celest: *pulls a vomit-covered flamethrower out of the pot o' gold and studies it* N'aaaah. *throws it away and pulls out a 'pron' magazine* Not for now... *looks back and forth, suspiciously and slowly puts it back in* *searches again* Aha! An OHZ Bansword!
KaDoYuu: That's not going to work here, guy. We're out of range
Celest: I realize that...
GameBuddy: Do you have a megaphone in there somewhere?
Celest: Hmm... no, actually. Closest thing I have is this karaoke machine...
GameBuddy: I'LL TAKE IT! *turns the machine on and taps the mic* Locked and loaded! I've always wanted to say that as Sonic~ *runs over by Boozerman, Jake, and Ice* Should I ever somehow lose my beamsword mic, I'll always have *pulls a tape out of the machine and reads it aloud* 'Kids' Bop Adult Alternative Hits?!'
BIT: Some of us still have our moderating sticks and banhammers. We'll ban the trolls after they've been weakened.
Celest: GOT IT! *pulls out this tiny ball of fur with a fuse hanging off of it*
Iceman: What is it?
Celest: Yes! FURRYBOMB!
Stasis: Okay, we have Jake, Boozerman, Iceman, BIT, Celest, and GameBuddy working offense?
Said group: Right.
Stasis: Insector, Boz, and KaDoYuu working defense?
Said group: Right.
Stasis: Well, since no one wants to do espionage, I will.
Chio: How exactly will that be effective?
Stasis: Simple. :3
Stasis: While the n00b forces are distracted, we'll use those handy, dandy, bansticks to dispose of the candy, thus destroying the foundations of the n00b king and his forces.
Insector: That's nice and all, but *points a limb behind him* what are we suppose to do with that?
*points to a slowly approaching LORTUX who is covered in some sort of icky, black snot and still wiping his nose*
*Chio holds the banstick in front of him in a somewhat comically, dramatic pose*
Chio: I'll handle this one...
Griffin: Guys, where does that leave me and red?
*THE BATTLE IS COMPLETELY SET. EVERYONE IS IN PLACE... EXCEPT FOR POOR RED AND GRIFF. IT'S TIME TO CHEW BUBBLEGUM AND KICK SOME @$$... AND TEAM PARADOX IS ALL OUT OF @$$! CAN THEY PULL IT OFF?
Celest: Lol, 'pull it off'.
*QUIET, YOU. CAN TEAM PARADOX PULL OFF THIS STUNT OF ALL STUNTS? YOU DECIDE*
King N00b: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAH!
Where are all these newbs coming from?? I'm serious. We're, like, getting 4 more every day! It's a newb rush!
Resisting urge to make bad game cover art based on that thought... >__<
Perhaps this is the beginning of the real Paradoxical Parable.
(@Boz: OMG it IS!)
*From the looks of it, Team Paradox is about to throw their hands into the air and run away shrilling like little pansy babies!*
They are outnumbering us a great deal, but not all are our enemies...
If we can salvage a few more, yet, there may be a way for the forum to survive this n00b rush... and watch out for the triple/quadruple posters!